Six steps of effective communication. It's not what you say – it how you say it

Six steps of effective communication. It's not what you say – it how you say it

Rob Moore quite eloquently described in his podcast the six steps off effective communication:

1. Listen 

2. It’s ‘You’, ‘We’ not ‘I’, ‘Me’, ‘My’

3. The vehicle (email, phone call, meeting, etc

4. Care about people 

5. Discover their values 

6. Manage your emotions!


1.Listen first 

Yes, you have an agenda to the meeting or phone call but unless you listen to the person you are communicating with, you will not be able to figure out the right way of delivering the message or make a constructive discussion. First of all it’s because people are different in their way of consuming information and expressing themselves and are often emotion driven so you got to catch those clues to get your needs age across. 

Get all facts first before communicating if there is a problem so you do not manipulated by assumptions. Take sides and never assume. Don’t try to be right or outsmart. Show you care 

2. You not Me

When you use the You and We, people feel involved and important. On the other side when you use I and Me it is you who is important and valued but no one cares and it is not a right approach 

You want to empower people and get them together to feel a part of the cause. That is when you are empowered.

3. Vehicle

There are so many ways of communications now (email, video, Skype, meeting, phone, etc) and they all have own ups and downs. So do chose the best way of communication according to the message you want to deliver or an outcome you want to achieve. 

Eg. When you write an email, you don’t want to show emotions as it can be missrepresented, and so fort. Also you can pin’pong email for days to get a message across when that might be cleared with a simple phone call, so do chose your vehicle correctly 

4. Care about people 

People don’t care what you know until you care 

People need motivation, inspiration, support so you need to empower people and make them feel usefool 

5. Discover Values 

When you know people’s values, you are able to communicate with them in those terms. There is a saying that a man on a horse cannot be an adviser to man on foot as they talk from different perspectives and have different abilities. 

Do ask people your communicating with of their values and try matching their goals. Eg. if employer does not know that the employees values are family, he might give a wrong incentive like more money instead of a day off to be spend with the family (just ask what it is most important in their life: autonomy, family, money, etc and match it)

6. Emotions 

Do control your emotions and be consistent with it. The communication will only be distorted by emotions.